RETAINER STORIES

Have you ever wondered where all those missing retainers go?

Well, our patients have some amazing stories to tell. Fact, fiction or just plain silly . . . only our patients know for sure. All we ask is that the stories entertain us, and many of our patients deliver just that. We thought we’d share a few of the stories we have received as a regular Blog feature.

Here's Our Latest Story . . .

It was December 23rd, just a few days from Christmas. Tomorrow night, Santa would take his annual journey and deliver presents to all the world. I went to settle in for bed, first stopping to brush my teeth. As I took my retainers off, a swirling portal appeared around me, drawing in air; then, it sucked in my retainers! I wasn’t going to let my retainers get away from me, so I hopped into the portal right after them. I emerged on the other side of the portal, shivering from the sudden cold. I was facing a window in a huge room where I could see the falling snow. I turned around, and I will never forget what I saw. I was standing in the middle of Santa’s workshop! Little elves with pointed ears bustled about, manning the machinery on a conveyor belt which was spewing toys of all shapes and sizes. Christmas carols were playing, and the workshop was adorned with Christmas decorations.

I heard, above the racket of the toy factory, someone saying, “Ho, Ho, Ho! These retainers will be perfect for the job!” In the center of the room, I saw Santa at a workbench covered with papers, surrounded by a ring of elves jumping up and down. I found myself with conflicted feelings. On one hand, I wanted to tackle the man for stealing my stuff; but on the other, I wanted to hug him because he was Santa—one of the most lovable guys around. I went to over to Santa’s workbench and tapped on the shoulder of one of his elves. I must’ve surprised him when he turned around, because he said, “Oh gingersnap! Why is a CHILD in here? Santa! Get her out!”

Santa looked at me and chuckled. He said to the elf, “Jingles, this is the girl whose retainers you took. I think she may have snuck in through the portal.” I stared down at Jingles and asked, “Why did you steal MY retainers?” Jingles ran and hid himself behind Santa’s large self.

Santa explained to me, “My dear. Christmas isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s hard work. With all the resources being used by humans every day, some years, we don’t have enough materials to make toys for every boy and girl..” He waved his hand in the air and a sparkling imaged appeared. It showed a little boy in his bed, dreaming of a toy car for Christmas.

Santa said, “We needed a toy for this child, the last little one on our list. However, the workshop didn’t have enough materials. We needed your retainers to melt down for the plastic which would become the last wheel on his toy car.” He held up a small retainer case decorated with small candy canes and gingerbread cookies. “You can still have them back if you want them."

I knew I had a choice. I could leave with the retainers, or I could give them up to make that little boy smile on Christmas morning. I said to Santa, “You can keep them. I hope you make the little boy happy.” With a smile and a twinkle in his eyes, Santa thanked me. The elves cheered, and Jingles even came out from behind Santa’s back. Santa gave me one last smile. He waved his hand in front of my eyes, and the workshop faded to black.

On December 25, Christmas Day, my family and I visited a friend’s house. The family had a little boy. He was playing with a small toy car. The car was different from most others I had seen. There were only three black wheels. The last wheel was white. Believe it or not, I gave up my retainers to help Santa save Christmas, especially for this little boy!

We hope your holidays are filled with the joy of giving!

Have you ever wondered where all those missing retainers go?

Well, our patients have some amazing stories to tell. Fact, fiction or just plain silly . . . only our patients know for sure. All we ask is that the stories entertain us, and many of our patients deliver just that. We thought we’d share a few of the stories we have received as a regular Blog feature.

Here's Our Latest Story . . .

Upon situating itself in my mouth for extended periods of time, my retainer (who I called Gerald) was subjected to the rigorous curriculum that my high school had to offer. There were, of course, obvious upsides to this including a world class education for close to nothing. However, there were a few adverse side effects. Gerald’s thoughts surpassed that of your average retainer. Soon enough, Gerald could compete with the PSAT scores of many high school freshman. The quality of Gerald’s thoughts began to progress so rapidly that he became self aware. He was no longer regurgitating simple facts, but began to function as if he were human.

In a few short weeks, Gerald was struggling internally with issues regarding his identity, and as such, began to rebel against the hand that fed him. No longer would he stand to represent a role of enforcement, making his position as a retainer and his identity as a person the basis of a strong conflict of interest. Sadly, his duty as retainer fell by the wayside, and he was frequently trying to escape the quite literal jaws of conformity. It  wasn’t long before I  could barely keep my mouth open without Gerald trying to escape.  Long “o” sounds were almost impossible, and I was forced to keep Gerald under lock and key.

Several days after the initial escape attempts, I awoke to find Gerald’s padlocked cage open and no retainer to be found. I made a mental note to take out future retainers before attending burglary club, then set off to find Gerald. On my bedroom door, scrawled in messy font on a post-it, was a note from none other than Gerald himself.  The note said that he had gone to follow 50 Cents to his summer “In da club” tour across the United States. With a heavy heart, I picked up the phone and called my orthodontist.

Have you ever wondered where all those missing retainers go?

Well, our patients have some amazing stories to tell. Fact, fiction or just plain silly . . . only our patients know for sure. All we ask is that the stories entertain us, and many of our patients deliver just that. We thought we’d share a few of the stories we have received as a regular Blog feature. Here's this month's story . . .

A Seemingly Perfect Pitch

I was standing on the pitcher’s mound, ready to deliver the perfect pitch to my younger  cousin, David. He lifted his bat with confidence, and with my eyes glued to the catcher’s glove, I threw the first pitch. WHAM, the ball soared high, stretching across the clear blue sky. It looked so gracious gliding into the horizon until we realized that the ball was heading straight for our neighbor’s yard. David and I exchanged  worried looks. “This is bad,” I said. The expression on David’s face said it all.

“What are we going to do?” David said abruptly. I looked around for a second, before making a brave decision.

“I guess I’ll have to climb the fence,” I croaked. I started for the fence, trying to conceal the fear within my body. When I finally reached the fence and started climbing, I remembered that our neighbor had huge dogs that he kept outdoors. It’s not that I have anything against large dogs, but these dogs have had a long history of abuse from what I’ve heard. As soon as I got to the top of the fence, my jeans  got caught on a strip of metal. I fell to the opposite side putting a minor tear in the left leg of my jeans. To my surprise, the dogs were nowhere in sight. I got up slowly and started creeping up to the baseball, only to trip on an old galvanized bucket that was lying in the yard. I held my breath, but there was still no sign of the dogs. “I was one lucky duck” I thought.

I shot right back up, brushed the dirt off my jeans, and trudged toward the ball. I picked it up and took a deep breath. I found it hard to suppress a triumphant smile.  I decided that it was time to leave, but as I took my first step toward the fence, a rubber ducky toy was waiting beneath my foot. QUACK! “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumbled.

The jingle of dog tags filled the air, followed by agile footsteps. That’s when David yelled, “RUN!” I launched myself toward the fence as the dogs followed a little bit too closely for comfort. I was just about to throw myself onto the fence, when one of the dog’s teeth sank right into my behind. I yelped as a surge of pain swept through me. Not only did the dog bite my rump, but it tore the back of my jeans open causing my retainers to fall out of the pocket. The dogs were distracted by the strangle plastic objects so that was my cue to make an escape. I hopped over to the other side of the fence where David welcomed me with open arms and a worried look.

“C’mon David,” I said, “I’ll tell you all about it when we get inside. I think my retainers just saved my life!”