Gone Fishing . . . A Fishy Retainer Story

Have you ever wondered where all those missing retainers go?

Well, our patients have some amazing stories to tell. Fact, fiction or just plain silly . . . only our patients know for sure. All we ask is that the stories entertain us, and many of our patients deliver just that. We thought we’d share a few of the stories we have received as a regular Blog feature. We hope you’ll enjoy them as much as we have!

This is the story of Albert Elvis Renaldie the 4th, but you can call me Joe. It is the tragic story about how I got separated from my girlfriend, Sue. Let me tell you a little about how Sue and I met before starting this story. Being retainers, Sue and I were made together and therefore became life partners, a bit like an arranged marriage. On April 28th, Sue and I were sent to a lovely home in the mouth of a girl named Rachel. Rachel was a one-room apartment kept at about 98.7 degrees Fahrenheit and came with a complete set of white, adult teeth that needed protection. In our home, Sue lived on the ceiling while I lived on the floor. We were lucky that Rachel cleaned herself twice a day because we had heard terrible stories of homes that built up with germs and grime so much that . . . uhh . . it’s too nasty to talk about. Anyway, Sue and I lived happily in our home for about a month occasionally escaping into a larger world three times a day in order for Rachel to spice up our home. During that time, we were placed next to Rachel on some surface where we were able to see the world around us. This is where the story begins . . .

One bright and sunny day, Rachel decided to go fishing with her family. Being residents of Rachel’s mouth, Sue and I went along for the ride. At the lake, things were going pretty smoothly until Jodi, Rachel’s mother, offered her some gummy worms; appropriate, seeing as they were fishing. Before eating the gummy worms, Rachel took Sue and I out of her mouth and placed us on a small shelf in her brother’s tackle box. Sue and I were admiring the beautiful lake when all of a sudden, I was pickup and attached to the end of a hook.  “This is interesting bait,” Rachel’s brother, Drew, said as he tied me on tightly. “I wonder if the fish like it because it is shiny, sea weedy quality?”

And with that, I was cast out into the lake on the end of a fishing pole. Drew was wrong about me. The fish did not think that I was interesting or edible. Instead of being gobbled up by some massive, killer fish, the fishing line got caught on a stray log and they had to cut it loose, leaving me in the lake to fend for myself. I was just about to give up and think that this was the end, when a bald eagle flew down and picked me up in its talons. For a second, I thought by some strange fate that the eagle was going to drop me back into the tackle box, but the eagle kept on flying. It flew over hills and valleys . . . Okay, maybe just to the other side of the lake, but for a small retainer like myself, that seemed like forever. The eagle must of thought that I looked like a nice decoration for its home because it weaved me into its nest and that is where I have been ever since.

All I could think about is what Sue is doing without me. Does she miss me? Will she be given a new life partner? Is she even alive? Oh, what I would give to see her one last time before I die, or plummet 100 feet to the ground when its time for the eagles to do some house cleaning. Hours, then days passed. I guess I’ll never know Sue's destiny or my fate . . . So that is where my story ends.