The Dreaded Stink Bugs - Not Your Typical Retainer Story

Have you ever wondered where all those missing retainers go?

Well, our patients have some amazing stories to tell. Fact, fiction or just plain silly . . . only our patients know for sure. All we ask is that the stories entertain us, and many of our patients deliver just that. We thought we’d share a few of the stories we have received as a regular Blog feature. We hope you’ll enjoy them as much as we have!

The dreaded stink bugs were everywhere! They were waging war with the restaurants, grocery stores, and even the neighbors. Then, alas, my very own home was part of their invasion. It seemed all of Maryland was in peril. I battled them mercilessly with my trusty flyswatter only to find five more take the place of the those I had just killed. Thick creatures these stink bugs are. The flyswatter was an inferior means to an end with them. SPLAT . . . SWAT . . . and a couple of crunches from the good old boot, only to have them explode in a gush of thick, tangy goo and splatter on my face and arms—YUK! The stench everywhere, my eyes stinging from their foul innards, and my mouth salivating to get the excess splatter out of my mouth. I decided it was time to take this fight to the next level. It was time to bring out the big guns against these smelly fools! That’s right, chemical warfare is what the fight had to come to.

Day after day, I used my chemical weapons to destroy them outright. We saw their numbers were dwindling. With the cold winter fast approaching, the great stink bug empire was scattering fast. They knew their defeat was nigh, and they had to think fast and strike hard in order to stay in the game. All their attempts were to no avail, until one day when they struck me in a means I could have never predicted.

On a cold snowy night when the air was still, a small regiment of stink bugs formed a stealth force and infiltrated my bedroom during my sleepy time. I awoke suddenly, sniffed and knew something was wrong. I immediately moved to stand up and turn on the light, but the blanket was strapped down tight. I was bound to the bed and could hear faint little chuckles. No doubt in my mind that it was the stink bugs. Then a strong scent came over me and knocked me out.

I awoke many hours later startled. I immediately pushed the blanket, and it lifted off of me without a struggle. I stood up and scanned the perimeter of my bedroom confused and thought it may have been a dream. I told myself I must be getting paranoid over these stink bugs. As I walked out of my room, I froze in place. Eyes widened in horror . . . jaw dropped in shock as the realization came over me  - My treasured retainers were no longer in my mouth! It looks like those dreaded stink bugs had their ultimate revenge!